The Druids Loom

Let’s all just “move on” says Coronavirus

Lee Hartley — Thu, 04 Jun 2020 11:50:36 +0000

In a dramatic turn of events the Coronavirus has asked everyone just to move on and ignore all the things that have happened and also the things that are going to happen because it's fed up of all the hate.

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Man claims it is only fair we hate everyone equally particularly “the straights”

Lee Hartley — Thu, 04 Jun 2020 11:33:43 +0000

Man Demands Equality of Discrimination Regarding Sexual Preference. An Ickenham man is using valuable time and energy to try and make people's lives more difficult to ensure that the internal misery he feels is shared around so we can as a society race to the bottom rather than build each other up.

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We’d Rather Give our Data to Satan, than Dominic Cummings

Druids Loom Reporter — Thu, 28 May 2020 19:42:26 +0000

Absolutely no one thinks it is a sensible idea to give their personal information to the British Government/Dominic Cummings, via the new NHS app.

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Clap for Wheelie Bins

Druids Loom Reporter — Sat, 04 Apr 2020 17:49:12 +0000

As the locked down British public descends into madness, and starts clapping at fucking everything, the Druid's Loom launches it's own campaign to Clap for Wheelie Bins, next Tuesday appreciation

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Two Strains of Coronavirus Discovered

Druids Loom Reporter — Sat, 28 Mar 2020 15:42:58 +0000

Scientists discovered yesterday that there are now two strains of Coronavirus. One for the rich and powerful, the other for the poor and vulnerable.

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Drone-avirus

Mick Haggly — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 17:42:34 +0000

The Police and Crime Commissioner for Yorkshire makes a public appeal for social distancing in the pages of The Druid's Loom.

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Clap for NHS

Druids Loom Reporter — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 17:31:43 +0000

A reader, gets hold of the wrong end of the stick completely is worried that our NHS heros are all going to end up with a painful venereal disease.

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The Blitz Spirit

Mick Haggly — Wed, 25 Mar 2020 16:51:22 +0000

Former health minister uses the Druid's Loom to address the nation, encouraging them to show the Blitz Spirit and British spunk, shown by our forefathers.

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Banks Prove They are Utter Bastards

Druids Loom Reporter — Wed, 25 Mar 2020 13:31:24 +0000

The British banks today proved they were complete and utter bastards, by targeting desperate people and making money out of the coronavirus crisis.

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Retired Barber Makes Comeback

Alison Henderson — Tue, 24 Mar 2020 16:54:27 +0000

Pensioner Gordon Coff says that hair cuts are essential during the Coronavirus lockdown, which is why he is making a comeback as Gordon Scissorhands.

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